Endure No More.
Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.
Author's Note: I knew I couldn't keep up the angst for long. I tried, but I think parts of this chapter are more funny than angsty. Oh well.
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"Oh god, what am I going to do?" Max whispered to herself as she paced around Alec's old apartment. It was one of the places that she felt close to him and at least here there was no one giving her the evil eye. No sympathetic looks for her that's for sure. "It's as if everyone blames me for Alec leaving, but how can that be? I didn't think I had that power over him. He always seemed to enjoy my company."
"Yeah right," sniggered the tiny voice in the back of her head. "He just looooved all the verbal abuse you heaped on him." The disbelief coming through strong. Who knew that the voice in her head had such a range of emotions?
"And don't try to convince yourself he loved it. You saw the pain and hurt that occasionally crept into his eyes. You just chose to ignore it, like you always do. Typical Max behaviour. No wonder he left. I'd leave you too, but I can't. I'm stuck here inside your moany 'woe is me' brain. Well guess what, I've had enough so you better buck your ideas up, or I'm going to drive you crazy. And boy, will I have fun doing it!" the voice threatened.
"Great, now I have a voice in my head yelling and blaming me." At least Max had a bit more fire back in her voice. "It's all Alec's fault. If he didn't leave I wouldn't be arguing with myself. I'd be arguing with him instead."
"Stop with the blame placing already. You're giving me a headache," complained the voice again. "Just face facts that it was your fault, and no one else's. Accept it and move on."
"But I don't want to move on, I enjoy being miserable…" muttered Max.
"Don't I know it," the voice sighed, interrupting Max.
"…But I miss Alec, and I want him back."
"Well then, do something about it. But you know it's gotta be big and great because that man ain't coming back here without a fight. You are going to have to prove that you do truly love him and regret every miserable, nasty, horrible thing you ever said and thought about him." The voice inside Max's head was getting sick of pointing out the obvious to her. How she survived before the voice is anyone's guess.
"Hmmm. Something big and great. Thinking never has been my strong point. I'm more the 'take action' type, than 'plan and organise' type. That was Alec's role and Logan's before that. Now I have to do it on my own. All this thinking is giving me a headache. Damn, another reason why I want Alec back here." said Max talking out aloud to herself, hoping to drown out the voice inside her head.
“No such luck,” The voice was determined not to be drowned out.
"You know you want Alec back because you miss seeing that hot body all the time, you miss the banter. He annoys you, pisses you off, challenges you, and you love it. But most of all you miss that feeling of 'aliveness' you get around him. Especially that little flame that ignites inside you, the butterflies that start flying in your tummy, the twinkle you get in your eyes and the laughter in your voice, every time you see him. That's what you miss the most. And that - my dear clueless, oblivious and hopeless transgenic - is love. And you're got it bad."
Max gave up on drowning out the voice in favour for yelling. Her favourite way of dealing with things and people who annoyed her.
"Would you shut up already. I know I have a huge task in front of me and I don't need you to keep on and on and on at me. How am I meant to think when you keep interrupting and distracting me? I swear you are just like the Eyes Only bulletin. Always interrupting with stuff you think is important." ranted Max. "Where was I again? That's right. I need a plan. A good plan. Hmmm. Shut up and let me think."
"Good idea. You need all the help you can get, so I'll just pipe down for now. But you start blaming others again and I'll be back."
"Fine, go. I think I may have a plan, but I need to concentrate and I can't do that with you constantly talking to me."
Max's eyes sparkled and she had a wide smile on her face as she thought out her plan. With no annoying voice in her head the plan came together, all she had to do now was implement it.
Let me know what you think.